1.13.2011

Untitled.....

I struggled with both what to title and how to start off this post...  so I'll just say it's been a rough week....  This past weekend my beautiful grandmother of 96 years passed.  Lettie Belle Stephens Bronson had  lived a great life and will be missed greatly. 
A nanna for great-nana. Michael always willing to share.


I've spent a great deal of time this week just thinking back on the good times I had with my grandmother...  all the wonderful things she did for me and the values and beliefs she helped instill in me.  She wasn't only my grandmother , but at one time my Sunday School teacher as well.

Its amazing who we find our strength in when in need... mine this week has come from my boys...  they have really helped me get through this week and don't even know it.  I remember when my dad first told me.... I just thought... I gotta get to my boys.  Well after I picked up the boys from their mom it wasn't as easy to tell them as I thought it was going to be. In all the things I knew at some point I was going to deal with as a parent... I really hadn't focused a lot on death.  I wasn't quite sure how to have that conversation. Albeit the boys are 2 1/2 yrs old... I stalled in telling them.  I'm not quite sure why...  perhaps in telling them their great-grandmother had passed it was also my coming to terms with it.

So a day 1/2 later...  I sat them down and pulled up pictures of grandmother on my phone and showed them and said that grandmother was a good friend of Jesus and that he had come to pick her up and she was going to be with him for a while.....  and we wouldn't be going to see her anymore.  I actually did better in keeping myself together than I thought I would.... (which as a dad I was pretty proud of myself)  Well that both seemed to listen ....Michael slightly more attentively as he looked at the pics on my phone..  As I explained that grandmother loved him very much, he said "okay" and kissed her pic on the phone.    So not sure what is pass/fail on the death talk with your kids.....but I felt pretty confident that I handled it well.  I suppose the real test will come later when as they are older and sadly some other family member or close loved one dies and I have to explain to them.

Someone posted on my FB wall that it was good I and WiMi got to spend time with her and she have a chance to see what a father I had become...   Which to some degree was important to me...  A funny story...  some time ago when I was younger in the presence of my grandmother the subject of children or having children came up and I blurted out...(I think for shock-value) that I wasn't having kids , and keeping all my money to myself....  Well I can't remember her exact words but my grandmother let me know that was one of the most selfish statements she ever heard....  I never forgot her disappointment in hearing that. Well years later... here I am...no money to keep to "myself" and I feel rich beyond measures as I have two of the most beautiful boys on this Earth.  Yes , my grandmother was right... it was a selfish thought.  I will make sure everyday I try to be the best I can be as a father and instill in my boys the same things my grandmother helped instill in me....

My boys at this age will probably not remember her as they get older...  but they have a lot of pics to see to enjoy someday.  They will see from the pics that they were loved and adored by such an amazing woman.

Grandmother , you will be so missed....  I will never forget everything you ever did for me.  Every memory of you is a happy memory , even those when being disciplined or reprimanded...because I know you did that out of love....  love that only a grandmother can have for a grandchild.   Love you much.

Thanks for reading,

FatherEd

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