1.08.2011

I'll be perfectly frank... I'm not Frank.

Recently on one of my favorite blogs I follow; The Twin Coach , her(Gina Osher) latest post was Perfection is Perfectly Impossible  was quite an eye-opener for me.  While this was written from the perspective of a mother , much of what she had to write could very well transfer to dads or any parent for that matter. There were some key points that stood out to me that I thought were worth reiterating or sharing:

Our own insecurities about being less than perfect drive us to find fault with others. For many, the need to be right is more powerful than the need to be real. Does it really make us feel better to try and take away someone else's power? Is perfection really an attainable or desirable goal


Is there a parent out there that can't relate to this?  I often times find myself second-guessing myself as to whether or not I'm being the "best" or  most "perfect" dad I can be.  But isn't that subjective....how does one quantify "best"?  I'm really starting to learn that its more about being a "good" dad that's important. Being a good parent I believe is simply giving your best.... not necessarily being the best.  That's what our children will remember. 


Another thing the Twin Coach wrote that made me really think: 


It's fairly easy to look at my 4-year old twins and remember that they aren't perfect, that they are still learning, that they have the right to screw up. Why is it so hard to give myself the same gift of understanding? I would never teach our children that they need to be perfect in order to be wonderful people, why do I think that way about myself? 


Yes.... I never want my boys to feel they are imperfect in my eyes or society's. I will always instill in them and teach them that its always important to try your hardest, do your best , but there will be times when you give 100% things aren't always going to turn out "perfect".  Another thing that I think about is, if I children were perfect?  What in the hell would they need us for? Or how boring would parenting be?  
Lastly, one of the Twin Coach's final thoughts: 

I think back to my last post about being mindful and realize that in my push to be this perfect mom, I am creating so much stress in my life (and therefore in my children's lives). Is the push toward being perfect really what I want my kids to learn? 


Yes.... perfectionism is painfully annoying.... to ourselves and the people around us.  I think in the pursuit of perfection one will often reach frustration first... this of course deflects onto the very people we care about. Particularly our kids.  I remember recently I was baking cookies with the boys and I left them in maybe a minute too long and they were a little over-cooked on the bottom and I was this close to throwing them away.... then I said...."wait... WiMi helped me make these cookies...  what kind of message am I sending if I throw these cookies away" If they aren't "perfect" they're no good?  It was a small lesson in humility.  situations in life ... just like cookies aren't always going to turn out perfect.... but you don't scrap what progress or success you've made.  You take from that and learn and you know what to do to be better next time. Success builds confidence. Being perfect or to strive to be is a lack of.   

I've given up on trying to be perfect nor will I expect my co-parent to be, and I certainly don't expect or will push my boys to be. I think to some degree perfectionism in itself is a flaw.  Some of the most beautiful things in the world are less than perfect... like my WiMi.

thanks,

FatherEd

2 comments:

nancegack said...

Laughing at life's little imperfections is a good way to go through life. Worrying about failure keeps us from trying. Nice observations, as always Ed.

Jackie D said...

Good thoughts. PS Use a very heavy (not thin) cookie sheet, or stack two together, to prevent overcooked bottoms.

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