Trying to get back in the groove...

So my first full day of getting back to the day-to-day with WiMi didn't go "so well"  So mistimed..  So no one told me about the ill effects of taking over-the-counter pain-killers for nearly two weeks and then deciding to stop cold-turkey...   I felt like I had been hit by a truck...    But I was determined to get back into routine....  I thought it would be good for me and good for the boys.... 

We didn't do much as I just didn't have the energy...  we spent most of the morning watching "Wonder Pets" and finding which toys we could switch out the batteries and put in the ones WiMi wanted to play with...   The boys have become a little too familiar with a phillips-head screwdriver and like to unscrew everything insight...    So what better than their own toys.... 

I tried doing anything and everything that involved sitting down....   and keeping my "game face" on for the boys.  But I think WiMi had some inkling that dad wasn't 100% as the took advantage of me at times...  

As the day progressed the one thing that kept coming back to me was lunch time.... what was I going to do at lunch time...   I hadn't cooked lunch for the boys since the accident and I wasn't sure how either of us was going to react..    We've gone through great lengths to to remove any physical reminders of the incident.... like covering the area of carpet where I tried to extinguish myself ...     So eventually lunchtime came and I knew I was going to have to do something.... and if there's one thing my family and friends will all agree on it's that sometimes I just don't know when to "let go"   I went to the freezer and immediately looked for a box of fish-sticks that I had some "unfinished business" with.....   I don't know why... but I just felt like I needed to pick up where I left off...  maybe not such a good idea as Michael rushed over immediately grabbed the box of fish-sticks and shoved them back in the freezer, slammed the door and blockaded the refrigerator...  I just had to pause and say to myself.... "did my 2 yr. old son just do that"     The boys just got hysterical at any attempt I made to try and prepare something for them....    I guess it never dawned on my that while we may have been able to remove any physical reminders of what happened.... it's just going to take time for them to emotionally get past what was probably the most frightening they ever witnessed.    So I didn't want to disturb them anymore and asked their aunt to prepare lunch for them...  then all was well.   We all enjoyed some nice Budget Gourmet Lasagna and fruit.

A part of me was a bit hurt...  I felt maybe my boys didn't have confidence in me anymore...  "I can't even make my boys lunch"  I as I thought about it more and more as we sat there and ate and Wm. looked up and smiled at me...  it's not that they've lost confidence in me...  they are trying to protect me.  

I suppose it's just going to take some time for all of us to get back into the groove.... but eventually we'll get there.  in the meantime...  peanut butter and jelly will do just fine.
 
thanks,

Father(Ed)